You have never lived because you have never died.

I recently acquired a secret. I've only told one person. Said person is someone I've only been talking to for less than a week. Why I told her, I have no idea. But it's there. This secret has changed everything for me. It's given me a lot of hope, something to look forward to, and a general direction to take my life in. I don't really plan on telling anyone else about what's going on until either right before it's gonna happen, during the act, or right after. Either way, a lot of people will be shocked. My closest friends, however, will really see this one coming. All I know is that I'm stocking up on memories and running from how much I'm gonna miss this.

The deaf and the blind.

Last night I had a dream where I was having a conversation with myself from a year ago. Past self was trying to figure out what happened to me. How I ended up like THIS. Why I gave up on all my dreams. How I really don't have a purpose. I couldn't come up with a solid answer. I woke up right after past me asked me this: Why am I okay with just surviving?

I get into the weirdest moods after things like that.

Back Burner

I'm nineteen. But I feel like I'm going on thirty. I really feel like I'm going nowhere. I need to make a decision on what the hell I'm going to do with my life. Like, I know I don't want to live a 'conventional' life. Conventional meaning: Regular job, married by twenty five or so, kids by thirty, grow old, and die. Seriously. If you get the feeling I'm heading down that path, you have permission to kill me. I don't want that. It's too.....mundane for me. I mean, I get the job part. It's necessary. But I know for a fact I'm never getting married or having kids. EVER. I want a life full of experience. At least I think I want that. I don't know. I'm lost and confused. Whatever.